Hello Sarah,
I have been widow now for 6 years and I’m 63 now I’m beginning to wonder if i will ever find that happiness that I had with my late husband, we were married almost 15 years before he passed away I am beginning to lose hope in finding that special someone to share my life with.
– Carol, Surrey

Hi Carol,

Thank you so much for your question.

I am so sorry for your loss and there is a saying that always brings me peace when I experience loss “may every memory of that person be a blessing”.

There are a few things I’d like to address in your question, if I may, which I think could be of good use to you as you navigate the search for love for your next significant other. I am going to go through them one by one in the hope it will create a positive path for you.

  1. You have to accept that not every two relationships are the same and so the next significant other in your life will not be like your late husband and there is beauty to be found in that. You want to cherish what you had with your late husband rather than focus on recreating it.
  2. Just know there will be others out there looking to meet someone like you too and their difference to your late husband might also spark something new inside of you too. So start to shift your focus to welcoming the new, the beauty in the possibilities rather than bringing your thought process back to a place of lack.
  3. When you sit thinking about or immersing your feelings and thoughts in a place of lack e.g. not having what you once had you may keep yourself in a low vibration. You can shift your mindset and bring yourself into a higher vibration (if that resonates with you) by practising gratitude for what you have once had and entering the feeling of openness for another love that is yet to come.
  4. Focus on being the energy you would like to attract. If you are starting to feel hopeless and as though “all the good ones are taken” you may attract others into your life that feel equally as hopeless.
  5. Start to shift your focus onto the things that light you up and seem to set your soul on fire, this will help you to feel full and passionate and radiate the highest, happiest version of you – happiness is the most attractive trait and you may well start to attract more people into your life – practising more hobbies and being in the world in real life situations where you may cross paths with some likeminded souls. So in a nutshell, do more of what makes you happy.
  6. Think about the pools of people/singles you are swimming in – do their values and intentions resonate with you? Do you feel that you are equally communicating your values, wants and relationship goals clearly, honestly (with yourself and others) and authentically in order to be in a position to attract more of the kinds of people you would like to meet in your life.
  7. Enjoy the process. Make sure you see meeting new people as just that – this will shift the focus and the pressure from the idea that the next person you meet needs to be or should be the last person you date. Enjoy it, learn from it and if you aren’t currently enjoying it then seek to find out how you can adapt and improve your dating journey.

I really hope these 7 pointers help point you in the right direction to finding and meeting someone lovely.

If you need me for any more dating advice or coaching sessions as you pave the way to partnering between my agony aunt column for Old Style Dating, you can catch me over at www.lovelessonsglobal.com – I’m always happy to help singles navigate the search for love again, however it looks.

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